December 14

One of the hardest people to love is someone who is never wrong because every disappointment would have someone else’s name on it.

I never imagined that this could be a red flag.

December started off as a blissful month with lots of event on my schedule. The best and most important event was my brother’s wedding. I was among the bridesmaids and I worked round the clock to make sure that the wedding was perfect.

The wedding was beautiful. It also introduced me to someone I never expected to meet. We started conversing and couldn’t stop. He was perfect until he wasn’t.

First, we ran into one of his ex, the energy between them was suffocating but she seemed like a nice person, she was even nice to me but after she left, my man narrated why their relationship never work and all blame was thrown at her. Then he talked about another ex and another, I realized that every one of his exes was “toxic.”

I mentally made a promise to myself that he wouldn’t experience any toxicity in our relationship because I genuinely loved him, so I became more intentional about us, until he missed our first year anniversary and blamed it on his work, which led to our first confrontation.

“I wish you had called,” I said quietly.

He sighed.

“You’re making me feel like a terrible boyfriend when I’ve been working myself to exhaustion.”

Suddenly, I found myself apologizing for being hurt, even when he had turned my pain into his. I couldn’t hold it against him.

Months later, he forgot about one of our dinner dates because his schedule was full. Next, he didn’t call or get me a birthday gift because he was experiencing some financial difficulties. I couldn’t hold it back anymore so we had an argument:

“It was my birthday, a call would’ve been better.”

“How could I have called when I don’t have a gift? You know how difficult things have been for me lately,” he said.

“I can’t believe you’re choosing today to complain where there are going to be more birthdays to celebrate.” he continued.

I held back my tears and nodded quietly because somehow, he had convinced me that expecting a phone call on my birthday was asking for too much.

Just like me, people rarely realize they’re blind while they’re in this situation.

Two years in the relationship, then I noticed a pattern, no matter what happened, he always found a way to become the victim.

If a friendship ended, his friend was jealous. If he arrived late, traffic was unusually bad, even when he hurt me, I had somehow provoked him.

Every other thing was always the problem except him.

As I drove to his place that evening, I realized some people don’t just avoid accountability, they rewrite every story until they become the victim and if you’re not careful, you’ll spend years apologizing for wounds you never caused.

“We need to break up.” I said

“After everything I’ve been through for you, so this is how it ends?” he asked quietly.

I smiled sadly. There was neither an apology, nor accountability. Just another reminder that, somehow, I was still the villain in his story.

I walked away. And for the first time in two years, I wasn’t carrying his blame anymore.

THE RED FLAG ALERT 🚩

1. Every ex was “toxic.”
2. Every mistake came with an excuse.
3. Honest conversations became guilt trips.
4. Accountability was replaced with blame.
5. You constantly apologized for feelings that were valid.

DIARY REFLECTION

One of the greatest signs of maturity is the ability to admit when you’re wrong.

Nobody is perfect. But people who refuse accountability rarely grow because they never believe they need to. So, be careful of anyone who is always the hero in their own story and the victim in every ending.

MY DIARY QUOTE

Don’t mistake excuses for accountability.