Dear diary

Today, June 12, makes it one week since I’d been in a relationship with the most loving woman I met on Tinder app.

Forever started fast. Every morning were love messages, afternoons were different home made lunch, evenings were numerous long lasting phone calls, and lots of pictures and videos for the day. It makes it unbelievable that we met online.

The second week.

We agreed on an outing because I didn’t want to stress her in the kitchen. Halfway through the meal she spoke:

“I’ve prayed for someone exactly like you.”

The feeling was mutual.

“I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone this deeply. I don’t need months or years to know that you’re my soulmate.” She continued.

I smiled yet somewhere deep inside me, a quiet voice wondered how she could be so certain after only two weeks.

Then, I said in a low voice:

“I love you babe but I think we are moving too fast. I want to get to know you better.”

She smiled and said. “This is all there is to know and we’re moving just fine, except you don’t feel the same way I feel.”

I noticed her sore mood, so I ignored my instincts and corrected myself.

“I feel more than I can express and you’re right we don’t need month or years. I want to be with you.”

The third week.

Our relationship continued beautifully and I decided to gift her a jewelry because of her love for matching earrings and necklaces.

On getting to the jewelry store, I happily bought the necklace and wore it on her neck. It looked great on her but she wasn’t as excited as she ought to be. Then, I noticed she was staring at a ring. I inhaled deeply and purchased the ring as well and immediately she grabs the ring, slides it onto her own finger smiling.

Then she said:

“I knew this day would come and yes, I want to marry you.”

I didn’t intend for a proposal even though I love her, I just felt like we were really moving too fast but I didn’t want to ruin her happy moment so I played along.

The fourth week.

We began planning our wedding, I was happy but at the same time I wasn’t. Our relationship just marked one month and we were already planning a wedding. It didn’t make sense so I sat her down one afternoon for a serious conversation:

“I want to marry you,” I began

“But we’re just one month in the relationship and marriage is for a lifetime. So maybe we just need to slow down a little,”

I didn’t get to finish the statement before she cut in:

“You are saying we should slow down because you feel I am love bombing you. Or because you met someone else and you want to break up.”

“I do not want to break up.” I said, trying to defend myself and also make her see reasons we should wait a few months before continuing with the wedding plans.

She immediately stood up and said, “I get it now. You want us to slow things. Okay we will.”

Then she left. But I was relieved that she agreed to take things one step at a time. What I didn’t know is that she would stop calling, texting, bringing lunch, sending pictures and videos. Whenever I called to ask what changed, she said she was advised to take things slow.

Two months passed, she continued the same odd energy then I sat her down for another conversation to resolve the situation:

“I miss you.” I said but she was mute

I cleared my throat and explained, “I love you. I love our relationship but it moved too fast at first then it started crawling. I want us to have a beautiful moderate relationship.”

She chuckled lightly and said, “I either jump or not. I don’t walk, and it’s obvious that you don’t want someone like that around you. I understand because forever is a really long time and you don’t want to risk it by being with someone like me.”

I knew where the conversation was going and I cannot imagine my life without her so I said. “I would jump with you.”

She smiled sadly and then removed the ring. “I already jumped out of the relationship after you checked out by ending our wedding plans.”

I couldn’t believe my ears.

Looking back now, I finally understood what happened. She wasn’t in love with me but the intensity of being in love. So, the moment I asked for patience, the fantasy collapsed.

THE RED FLAG ALERT 🚩

1. Declaring love within days.
2. Talking about marriage almost immediately.
3. Making you feel guilty for wanting a healthy pace.
4. Equating caution with lack of love.
5. Withdrawing affection when you set a boundary.

DIARY REFLECTION

Real love grows. It asks questions, learns and waits. However, love bombing skips the journey and races toward the destination.

The problem is that relationships built at lightning speed often struggle to survive real life. So always remember that excitement is beautiful but healthy love has no reason to fear patience.

MY DIARY QUOTE

Don’t mistake intensity for intimacy.