Memories of the past.

The door suddenly burst open, revealing my second foster mother. my heart seized to beat while her husband quickly dressed up in fear.

"You filthy whore". She yelled, yanking me out of the room.

"Mum. Mum, he raped me" I cried bitterly.

My naive self thought that after the scene she witnessed she will chase away her abusive husband, then help her nine year old daughter.

"Don't you ever call me your mother. I didn't birth you and I couldn't be happier. You are such a bitch, wearing short dresses and seducing my husband. Is that how you were trained in that orphanage home?" she shouted. Her voice was filled with venom. I shook my head and explained to her in tears, that her husband stole my virginity but she didn't listen. Despite the fact that I was the victim, I pleaded for forgiveness. Eventually, I was taken back to the orphanage.

Back to the present.

“Lana. Lana,” I felt someone shaking me back to reality and saw Richard staring at me with worry. I blinked several times before realizing that I had zoned out.

“Did I say something wrong? You’re crying.”  Richard’s voice was filled with concern, and my eyes widened immediately. I quickly wiped my tears, causing the wool I was holding to fall from my hand.

Fuck.

I had never lost my composure like this in front of anyone before.

Quickly, I moved away from him and stood near the window, trying to compose myself and hide my emotions. But the painful memories refused to fade away.

Fuck you, Austin. Fuck you for reopening my scars and making me cry in front of a stranger.

Suddenly, I felt Richard’s arms wrap around me from behind, pulling me gently into his embrace. I tried to pull away, but his grip remained firm until I slowly relaxed. And just like that, the tears I had been holding back flowed uncontrollably.

Turning around, I buried my face in his shirt, staining it with my tears.

Richard gently rubbed my back, trying to comfort me, but somehow it only made the pain feel stronger. I hated the fact that no therapy had ever helped me forget my past. Instead, they only worry about me reliving it, as if that was something I wanted.

After a few moments, Richard spoke softly. “If you ever want to talk about it, I’ll always be here to listen.”

I shook my head, unable to find the words to explain my pain. Understanding my silence, he respected my decision to remain quiet.

Slowly lifting my tear-stained face, I noticed the bruise on his lip. Instantly, wild thoughts rushed through my mind, and my painful memories slowly faded away. This was exactly why I always turned to sex as my own therapy.

Without a second thought, I stood on my toes and placed a soft kiss on his lips. I only wanted to know if his lips would feel the way my mind had imagined.

Oh yes his lips were soft against mine, and suddenly I wanted more. It was becoming addictive, but he stopped the kiss before it could deepen.

“I fucking want you more than you can imagine, but not when you feel vulnerable,” he whispered.

No. I wasn’t ready to listen. I needed him right now, or I might lose my mind drowning in my terrible past.

“Please,” I begged like a desperate addict.

“Lana, I’ll spend the night with you, but nothing is going to happen between us. I know why you crave sex right now, and I can help you in a healthier way,” he said convincingly.

I stared at him in disbelief and badly wanted to protest, but at the same time, I was curious about his healthy way of helping me deal with my past.

“We need to watch a horror movie,” he said with a smile.

Are you kidding me?

Well, I showed him to my room, and he immediately put on a very scary movie on Netflix while we curled up together on my king-sized bed.

His arms wrapped around me, and his gentle touch made the moment feel special. I’d always believed movies would remind me of my past, so I avoided cinemas and never watched them, but maybe I’d been wrong.

Suddenly, I felt a soft kiss on my forehead. With a smile, I slowly fell asleep.

Thank you for reading ❤️ 

Continue Lana’s story in chapter nine.